Convert for Windows

Convert for Windows is a free and easy to use unit conversion program that will convert the most popular units of distance, temperature, volume, time, speed, mass, power, density, pressure, energy and many others, including the ability to create custom conversions!

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‘Economic Stimulus’ payment

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another ‘Economic Stimulus’ payment.
This is indeed a very exciting program, and I’ll explain it by using a Q & A format:

Q.  What is an ‘Economic Stimulus’ payment?
A.  It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q.  Where will the government get this money?
A.  From taxpayers.

Q.  So the government is giving me back my own money?
A.  Only a smidgen of it.

Q.  What is the purpose of this payment?
A.  The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q.  But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?
A.  Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

*  If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.
*  If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
*  If you purchase a computer, it will go to India, Taiwan or China.
*  If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala.
*  If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
*  If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan.
*  If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:

1)  Spending it at yard sales, or
2)  Going to ball games, or
3)  Spending it on prostitutes, or
4)  Beer or
5)  Tattoos.

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.)

Conclusion:

Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!

No need to thank me,  I’m just glad I could be of help.

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StoneyRidge Orchard & Winery

Don’t know how I missed this as I walk by here quite often while walking Max.

StoneyRidge Orchard & Winery

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Electric Fence

Got this in an email today from a friend:

If you have ever used an electric fence or know someone who has one you should read this.  The  language used is a bit salty, but ‘he tells it like it is’ without cursing.

If you don’t laugh hysterically at this, CHECK YOUR PULSE this is funny and true.
This was sent by a retired  dentist.

We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence.

Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, and drove it 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.

One day I’m mowing the back yard with my cheap o WalMart 6 HP big wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way.

It seems as though I hadn’t remembered to unplug it after all.

Now I’m standing  there, I’ve got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the  cover.

Time stood still.

The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain.  Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine.

It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of shit lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.

Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you’re all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like  there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.

At this point I’m about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire.  My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can’t let go.  I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences … but Dad always had those piece of shit chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled.

This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground  rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I’m thinking I’m going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.

‘Damn!,’ I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!

Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest I think ‘Oh God please die …. Pleeeeaze die’. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner’s right  foot.

So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day … he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.

I honestly don’t know how I got loose from  the wire ….

I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned.

There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.

Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realised a few things:

1 –  Three of the fillings in my teeth have melted.

2 – I now have cramps in  the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).

3 – Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.

4 – My left eye will not open.

5 – My  right eye will not close.

6 – The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now.  Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.

7 – My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long.

8 – I can  turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don’t understand this???).

That day changed my life. I now have a new found respect for things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.

The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualise what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.

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Journal moved

Moved the South Erin Journal from http://southerin-ny.org/wordpress/ to https://southerinny.wordpress.com/ the other day.  With all the updates in WordPress and/or plug-ins the past few months it was getting harder to keep up with the changes manually.  So I moved the Journal off my personal web site to here.

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50 Places Linux is Running That You Might Not Expect

Found this on one of our mailing lists here:

50 Places Linux is Running That You Might Not Expect

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Leaf Wetness sensors

Replaced the old Leaf Wetness sensors today which were activated many years ago.  Seems they don’t last forever which I had hoped.

Will clean/fix them if possible, and use them as either backups or as additional sensors for the North and East directions.

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